Trinkets

I am surprised that even a blog with essentially no audience, like mine, still gets spam.

You would not believe what a time I had trying to find a real buttercream recipe. Real buttercream, for those of you who aren’t crazed bakers, does not involve powdered sugar; it begins with egg yolks, and only gets crazier from there. But the pumpkin sandwich cookies turned out great–the cookies are cakey and not too sweet, a perfect complement to cinnamon buttercream. I went to the farmer’s market this morning and got cranberry beans and heirloom tomatoes and honeycrisp apples and cider and some corn; I love corn, and it looked so good. I will use it to make corn chowder, which Mr. Book has never had. Then a little old lady at the bus stop gave me a head of lettuce–they were $1.50 each or 3 for $3, so she had an extra head. =) The cranberry beans and one of the tomatoes are getting stewed; the rest of the tomatoes will be made into salsa. Mr. Book and I, wherever we’ve gone, have had a divey Mexican restaurant as our special place, but we haven’t been able to find one here–one of our earliest tries led us to joint that puts ketchup on the nachos. =o I’ve heard a rumor that there just isn’t any good Mexican in this state, so I’ve given up and started just making it at home. Mine is very California Mexican: salsa fresca, lots of fresh veggies, some jack cheese.

When I relinquished, I really wanted to get a piece of birthmom jewelery; it took on a weird importance in my head. I don’t think I was being mercenary–the PAPs weren’t paying me rent or giving me food money or anything nutty like that–but I read about adoptive moms giving those necklaces to birth moms (usually with bmom’s birthstone and baby’s birthstone) and I thought about how much I would like to have and wear one of those. I never mentioned it to the PAPs, although I think I did, once, to the future Mr. Book. Anyway, I didn’t get one. Ruth and Nora gave us a home ornament to match one that they have, which is definitely not to my tastes but so thoughtful that I really do need to just buy a nail and put it up (certainly before they come!!). But now I look at online catalogues of that jewelry sadly, and I still want to get one, but it seems too complicated and weird to get it myself (not to mention a bit expensive–I don’t need gold or anything, but money is p. tight here), and equally weird to get it as a gift from Mr. Book. So I’m not sure what I’d like to do instead–maybe a photo keychain from Shutterfly? I know just the picture  I’d use, too. I’ll post it in a separate entry with password protection because of creepazoids, but I’ll give it to you if you ask.

2 thoughts on “Trinkets

  1. Oh I KNOW what you mean about a necklace/bracelet etc. For me, it’s not even about the actual item – it’s what it represents. An actual SOMETHING that represents that link, that bond. But sometimes, that “thing” is just a “thing.”

    I’m reminded of an episode of “16 and Pregnant” on MTV….one of the teen girls relinquished her daughter. On the day of the daughters birth (or was it placement?) the aMom gave the bmom a bracelet. She showed that she had a matching one, and that they got a matching one for the baby to wear when she was older if she chose. They hugged and cried and swore they’d wear it always.

    Fast forward to the reunion show – the bmom is sitting on the couch anxiously awaiting to see her daughter. She’s wearing the bracelet. A few minutes later, amom walks in with baby in arms – and I SWEAR she’s NOT wearing the bracelent. It was a trinket for her. It doesn’t mean what we fantasize about it meaning (for SOME people, certainly not for all).

    The point of this long and rambly comment is this: You have way more with Ruth and Nora – and I will bet any amount of money, that the teenage girl sitting wearing her bracelet on that couch would trade it for the relationship that you have.

    I know that doesn’t make it better – I’ve been where you are – and someday, you’ll find what feels right for you. ((((hugs))))

  2. Ooo, that would have bothered me so much! And it’s a good point, those James Avery necklaces may often be used as a way to say “Wear this, and don’t call!”…but I ordered a keychain. 😉

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