In the next couple of years, I am planning to have a baby and Ruth and Nora are planning to adopt again. I’m thinking about this in part, I think, because I’ve recently restarted birth control. Over the summer we had two brief pregnancy scares—broken condoms, a positive test—and that was complicated for me because while we can’t afford a baby, I do of course want a child. After the relinquishment, I got hit with the desire to have another real’ bad. I thought that a new baby, one I could keep, was a fantastic idea; I’m lucky that I didn’t actually try to get pregnant, because that would have been exactly as dumb as it sounds. At the same time, being on birth control means no accidents—I’m not going to get pregnant. That’s a good thing—we need more time and money to get ready—but I’m also a bit wistful about it.
Of course, right now it is really, really clear that we can’t have a baby; the check that I was expecting today did not arrive, I’m planning my sister’s bridal shower and hoping as hard as I can that I have the money to pay for it—adding diapers to our budget would be a real strain. Ah, well. My baby mopiness is not exciting.
Now, the child development textbook that I’m copyediting—that is exciting. 😛
That keychain I alluded to in an earlier post came—my keys now share a ring with a picture of newborn Cricket. I’m glad that I went for it. I can’t remember whether I’ve mentioned it here, but I’ve been planning since before he was born to get a tattoo for him: a mouse, since I called him “the mouse” until he was born. I was going to do it for my birthday, but then started having more adoption upset, and decided to wait until I was in a more peaceful place. I’m hoping it can be my Christmas present to myself. I’ve got several mouse pictures that I like, I know where I want it (inside ankle-y area on left leg)… I’m getting closer to having it. But I definitely want to have had it for as long as Cricket can remember.