Well, I finally did uncover one of those boundaries. After blogging about it and talking to my therapist, I decided to go ahead and ask Ruth about whether I could talk more with her about the harder parts of adoption—her answer is that I can, but she’s not sure that it’s appropriate, and she doesn’t actually want to hear it. Her email was polite and respectful, and the undertone of “I guess I can’t stop you, but—” may only exist in my reading of it. I feel sort of crushed, and am pulling back.
Feeling bummed about her answer is my problem; I got my hopes up inappropriately high, and I should know by now how that generally turns out. I’m a big girl.
My reply to her was very short: “I understand what you’re saying, and that makes sense”-style of thing for a couple of hundred words. Oh, and I bought a pair of Robeez for the chest, so clearly I am doing fine.
I mostly feel stupid—I feel like I’m being punished for being stupid.