Well, we never did hear back from Cricket’s parents, and we stayed here. I wish there was something more interesting to say about it, but we just stayed in town and I missed the kid in a way I hadn’t expected to. I’m also a bit frustrated that Nora, as the nongrieving partner, couldn’t drop us a quick email saying either “Come” or “Don’t bother,” but I suppose that’s an issue for another day. I am here by myself, not pregnant, not a mother in any meaningful way, missing the kid who isn’t mine.
I’m writing this late Sunday night, I’ve had a couple of drinks with my husband (we play this drinking game with Mario Kart that is super fun), and he has fallen asleep. I am essentially alone at this moment, doubting that I’ll ever become a mother, and assuming that I deserve it. This is perhaps oversharing, but I mean it.