Face to Facebook

Things have been happening. I had another short email from Ruth yesterday saying that she’d like to talk over Facebook chat, and since I am online much of the time, I was able to sign in and talk with her just minutes after she sent that message. I ordinarily stay signed out of Facebook chat—I don’t like the format, and I’ve got these annoying cousins—so the medium was a bit weird, but I think the actual live-to-text conversation went well. It made me think of the adoptive moms I’ve seen online talking about how they never really used text messages before, but the birthmom prefers to communicate that way—only, y’know, backwards. She talked about her trip home for the funeral, which sounded pretty awful, she updated me on Cricket, and when we were saying goodbyes she said she wanted to set up a visit. I said I’d email her with days that are good for us, but now I realize that I’m not sure whether she meant that she wants to confirm a date for the Passover visit or that she wants to see us before them. Hmm. I will share my uncertainty with her in the email.

So Cricket is now initiating talking in a whole new way—he’ll see a cup and start saying “Juice! Juice!” or notice something that Ruth hasn’t yet seen and call out its name. I jokingly mentioned that I was glad she hadn’t asked me to call (I hate the phone =/), and she said that we’ll have to start phone calls at some point soon so that Cricket can be involved. Had. Not. occurred to me as a possibility. I wonder what it says about me that I keep being startled by the idea that he’ll be really talking soon….

That woman to whom I was assigned as a birthmom buddy finally got in touch with me; she showed me a picture of herself holding her boy in which they look super alike. She lives about an hour from Stumptown, but we’re both attending an agency event on Tuesday, so will get to meet then. The weirdest part of our conversation so far definitely has been that she talks casually about having a counselor—this agency is just infinitely more ethical than the one I worked with. She sounds so peaceful and balanced—less than six months after losing Cricket, I personally was anything but.

Last and least, I just found out that I made it onto the about.com Top Ten Birthparent Blog list, which is pretty cool and totally inexplicable. Woo!

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7 thoughts on “Face to Facebook

  1. Wow, congrats on the top ten, Susie! You deserve it!

    I primarily text with my son’s first mom. Sometimes it is an awkward way to communicate but for some reason phone calls (with just about anyone) make me so anxious and uncomfortable. Need to get over that, I suppose! I keep hoping that she’ll be open to meeting sometime soon, because I think in person conversations will be more natural (I hope!)

    So glad that you have had more communication from Ruth and that you’ll be able to arrange a visit.

  2. Whoa! I’m on there too! Who’da thought??

    I’ve never done the whole phone call thing either. But maybe someday? I don’t know. The phone freaks me out a little….so I “get” that.

    I actually like Facebook chat – and gmail chat which I use way more. Probably because I email so dang much and it’s like really fast emails, haha!

  3. TOP 10! (No surprise, really!)

    I have thought a lot over the past two years that part of what’s so (fill in the blank, unchartered, unusual, difficult, confusing, new) about open adoption & especially the relationship between moms plural (2 or 3) is this: SUCH intimacy — a baby — without the scaffolding of already knowing each other. (Uh, my point? that’s so obvious). Maybe it’s obvious but bears repeating anyway. Time has to be on all of our sides here.

  4. Woohoo! Yay Susie! That’s great about chatting on fb with Ruth. Maybe you can skype with Cricket in the future. I’ve never skyped in spite of being in a long-distance relationship, but some of my friends like it. I meant to comment on a previous round table post that I liked your ideas about possible means of reform, especially that re: non-profit agencies! There’s a big one in NYC called Spence Chapin I think, though I don’t know anything else about it.

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