We have a visit tentatively scheduled for a week from Friday, although I’m not getting my hopes up yet. Now that we’ve had two cancelled visits in a row—both for super legitimate reasons—I just believe in the next one less.

When talking to the Mr. about the possible upcoming visit, I realized that I know much more about Cricket’s day-to-day life than he does, and maybe much more than the average birthmother. He was wondering whether we’d hear back from Ruth that day (Monday), and I said that it was unlikely: “Mondays are really busy for them, they have [X activity] and that makes naptime late and sometimes problematic. I don’t think we’ll hear back today.” And sure enough, we didn’t—she emailed me on Tuesday. Ruth does try to include me, talking about their life in her emails, and I obviously find it interesting enough to remember. I wish I could see it. If I could list my #1 Unreasonable Open Adoption Wish, it would be to go stay with them for a week (they have a spare room!) and just go along on errands and help with cooking and cleaning and play with Cricket. I would love that so much. I’d want to go alone, too—we’re both tense on visits, but Mr. Book has made it clear (to me) that he’s not interested in making friends with Ruth or Nora, and of course he couldn’t miss that much work even in my daydreams. It would also give me enough time to get over my awkwardness around the kid and be playful, which hasn’t really happened on any of our visits so far. =/

Other current UOAW: if I am pregnant right now (unlikely, theoretically possible [and I feel like I need to add this disclaimer a lot, because, you know, it’s something I think about regardless of its likeliness but don’t want you, dear reader, is something you should take seriously as a possibility]), the kids would probably have birthdays within a couple weeks of each other = co-birthday parties! Or at least one, maybe, one year. But probably not.

My bed plan is still in effect.

2 thoughts on “Hibernation

  1. Your first UOAW?

    Sounds totally normal to me.

    Not normal like “usually happens” normal – but like it would be a fairly common UOAW to have. Two or three hours visits wreck me sometimes, so I don’t know how I’D fare, but it would be so freaking awesome to see the every day – the good, the bad, the ugly – all of it.

    I often feel like I know who my daughter is on special fun days, but I don’t know WHO my daughter IS, you know?


    Now go back to sleep 🙂

  2. to me this makes so much sense, the longing for the everyday or with toddlers the up/down of it all.

    you keep me thinking about how–on the other side, the parser of details or visits–sharing the less “exciting” stuff is really important & i totally thank you for that.

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