Susie: How can I feel so shaky and awful? I only threw up stomach acid!
Mister: Highlighting the fact that there was no food in there! You need to eat!
It’s sort of amazing; every time I start worrying that maybe the positive tests were mistakes and I’m not pregnant and actually a lunatic, I throw up again. I do find it perversely reassuring—I remember reading last time that it’s a good sign for healthy placental development, so savor that vomit! But I do think that the smell of fried eggs (which I have always loathed) was a contributing factor this time. In other “Yes, Goofus, you aren’t imagining things” symptoms, I was thinking about Dr. M.L. King while walking home from the bus stop and started to cry. I also think I’ve lost a bit of weight, as my pants are starting to fall down when I walk, despite the fact that my stomach looks definitely pregnant when I see it bare.
I dreamed that the bean was a daughter, and now that’s what I think I’m carrying, and I’m really excited. I think that’s part of why I’ve started sounding more enthusiastic; I’m starting to connect with the bean as a person, which of course will make things much worse if anything goes wrong, but right now it feels pretty good. My therapist also, without getting this news from me, told me last night that she thinks it’s a girl. I am completely thrilled. (She also said that I have the pregnancy glow going on, but since I feel like the crud you scrap out from the bottom of the oven, I have to believe that she was just trying to make me feel better.) People keep asking me whether I’m eating okay, and I have gotten used to just cheerfully saying no—Luna bars, skim milk, and ginger ale make up 90% of my diet right now. I mean, two of those three things are good for you—and there isn’t that much ginger ale—but my mother cannot hide her horror. Four pregnancies, and she never had a moment’s nausea.