Call for a Waaa!-mbulance

This is going to kind of a self-pitying post, and I just want to put in a disclaimer up top saying that I’m aware of how I sound, and that I’m really not wallowing like this most of the time. I just wanted to schedule a short wallow and move past it.

We’re really broke right now—the Mister is selling plasma so that he can fill the car with gas and get to work kind of broke. And it’s all going to be okay, we’re getting aid, he will get paid on the 13th, rent is paid, but right now? We have about $7 in cash, and that’s probably all going to be spent on laundry. (We did get approved for a small amount in food stamps, so we’ll have that and will not starve.) But that means we can’t go out to dinner on Mother’s Day; I probably won’t even get a card. And I know that it’s only provisional motherhood at this point, but it bothers me in part because of how awful Mother’s Day was when I was pregnant with Cricket.

That year my grandmother had just moved in with us after her second stroke; we kids made a huge brunch for the ladies, including a weird (but delicious) idea of my own, bananas Foster sweet rolls. And at no point was it suggested that I might be included in the mother category, and I got really upset and ended up fighting with my mom about it, on Mother’s Day, in the classiest of moves. Last year, we did nothing, but Mr. Book got me a card, and I was incredibly happy about it. Ruth and Nora called the day before, on Birthmother’s Day, so I could hear the baby babbling on the phone—they also sent a Birthmother’s Day card.

This year, I will make cupcakes. I can get a yellow cake mix for eighty-eight cents, and then eat all the cupcakes I want (we have leftover frosting from the Mister’s birthday). I just really don’t want to be sad that day. I know how pathetic this sounds, but I think to myself, Well, it makes sense to be sad on Saturday—it’s a holiday about losing the kid, and that’s sad. But on Mother’s Day, I don’t want to be sad. I know that the Buddha accurately diagnosed my problem: if I did not desire to go out to dinner on Mother’s Day, I would be fine. It is the wanting that hurts. I’ve picked up this cultural thing, I guess—the way that I think one should have cake on one’s birthday.

So that is an end to the whining; I have written it down, I can look at it, and now I’m moving past it.

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8 thoughts on “Call for a Waaa!-mbulance

  1. I’m sorry things are so tight for you guys right now. That takes away a lot of your control over the situation and humans always want what we can’t have or can’t control. I hope you find something to do this weekend that celebrates YOU. Those cupcakes sound pretty darn good though!!

  2. No money just sucks. Especially when you come to a day that calls for special treatment.

    I didn’t know about the Birthmother day before Mother’s day thing until becoming an adoptive mother & here we are coming up to the third Mother’s day & I realize by now I have an opinion about it: I don’t like it. I think it’s just what you describe, a day for sadness. I send something to Caroline on Mother’s Day each year–this year, chocolates & biscuits (as in, cookies, not buttermilk)–& I thanked her for letting me share mamahood with her, with the sweetest child. I just can’t see that Mother’s Day isn’t for sharing. Seriously. I may have to write about it.

  3. I’m so sorry that you’re struggling right now. I’m also not a fan of Birthmother’s day. We’ve always sent something to our son’s first mom for Mother’s Day because that’s what she is, plain and simple. This year, I’ll be thinking of you and all the other first moms I’ve come to know thanks to blogging. I hope your cupcakes are delicious!

  4. so much stress when times are tight like that. I hope it eases up soon. wish I could just come make you both a lovely meal some time.

    I hope you find a way to celebrate on sunday — cupcakes sounds great!

    I didn’t even know about birthmother’s day. to be honest, I don’t really like the idea of separating the two days. we’ll send a card and call on sunday.

    • I think the original reason for having a separate day was so that birthmothers could spend the Saturday grieving and then have a happier Mother’s Day with their own moms or raised kids–in our adoptive situation, it is used as the “separate and let’s be honest, not particularly equal” holiday to keep me clear of Mother’s Day. And fair enough, I am certainly not mothering Cricket–but my sudden desire for pickles reassures me that I am doing some mothering this year.

  5. That stinkin’ stinks. And is not whining at all. Can you pretty please send me your address so I can send you a few cute hipster baby clothes? And maybe even a mother’s day card?

  6. I HATE money stuff. Long Board is pretty set financially so we do things but I feel bad. So we started setting up this IOU account, and I swear I’m at nearly a thousand dollars. It disgusts me.

    Money. Stuff. Sucks.

    Also, I think I lost your address, but if you email it to me I’d like that 🙂

    Also – the bananas foster sweet rolls sound to DIE for!!

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