Thanks to everybody who commented—I’ve made a couple of tiny replies or clarifications, but I appreciate every one of ‘em. I do think that Ruth wants all four of us to be spending all possible parental energy on Cricket, which seems kind of intense—I wonder whether this is one reason why they are (apparently) pushing back the second adoption to who knows when. I can definitely see the parts of her position that come from a good place; she and Nora are so besotted with Cricket that I think they can’t understand that we don’t feel as connected to him. And yet I think they really want to have it both ways on this issue; in the email Nora sent my husband, she mentioned that if this is all for real then we will “become parents” this fall, and of course that’s true, but it’s also a bit weird to hear. When my mother said “I’m going to become a grandmother!” I imagined Ruth being a bit hurt if she knew, but then this sounds like they don’t think of Cricket as also ours in any measureable way.
I’m rambling again. We are obviously not parenting, and Cricket really isn’t ours, and maybe we should cut back contact more, if this is the way that things are. We’re having a hard time affording visits right now, anyway—I don’t really want to be a neutral resource for Cricket, as selfish as that might sound. If we are important to each other, I want to have a relationship; if we aren’t, I don’t want to keep making road trips to awkward visits. Honestly, semi-open adoption is what I think would the most awesome. Of course right now I am ~*~pregnant and emotional ~*~ but if they don’t think that we have a continued importance to the kid, why are we visiting? I guess it’s just mini existential crisis day here on the blog.