Okay, I was wrong; I’m still pretty sick. But I do want to give an update: I got a short email from Ruth, offering possible visit dates and worrying about not having heard back from me. I wrote an even shorter response, just picking a date and saying, more or less, “I’m going to be quiet for awhile, it doesn’t spell disaster.” Maybe not the best or wisest thing, but I can’t see myself sending a chatty email for kind of awhile, and I didn’t really have a better idea. I don’t want them to worry that we’re going to vanish—I want to be quiet for awhile, but I don’t want to scare them, or want them to wonder whether we’re gone for good. There’s also a part of me that is annoyed to imagine her saying “Ah, this is pullback, I’ve heard about this”—No! I yell at that imaginary Ruth, This is me getting my feelings hurt and having a family problem and getting sick and being frustrated while remaining committed to the relationship! This is me taking two-hour baths to try and clear some of the mucus from my skull while I think about how our carpets need to be cleaned; this is me glaring at empty Word documents that I can’t turn into emails to you. This is just me.