Sharing the News

Friday morning, I sat in the Wal-Mart parking lot, watching a little bird in an evergreen tree and telling my mother that we are expecting a girl. She said “Oh,” and then told me that the crew that cleaned their carpets hadn’t done a very good job. Only an hour earlier, I had told my husband that I wasn’t going to tell her for awhile, that I really wanted this to be the thing that would get her excited about the grandkid, and that I was worried that even this wouldn’t be enough to get her to emotionally invest.

Shortly after placing Cricket, I showed my mom some patterns for knitted Moses basket linings, and asked her if, when the time came, she would make one for her first raised grandchild—I told her that it was important to me, and she agreed. I brought it up again when I told her that I was pregnant with this little bird, and it’s taken me a few months to realize that it ain’t gonna happen. It’s a silly thing to get hung up on, of course, but a friend recently offered to knit something for the baby and I thought of it again. I had a Moses basket when I was a baby—does anyone do that anymore? Perhaps my mom is just embarrassed by how behind the times I am.

Several people have told me that everyone gets tested for STDs and drugs, and that I should maybe chill out a little. Fair enough: I was, I think, sensitized by a couple of other things that happened at the visit. One is a thing that has happened before—I tell them that I don’t smoke, they are politely skeptical, and then (in this case) the midwife listened to my lungs and said with obvious surprise, “Oh! You don’t smoke!” But the thing that put me most on my guard was a conversation that started when she asked whether I was still breastfeeding my firstborn. My general philosophy on this one is that if they’re going to be jerks about it, I need to know, so I just said “I actually placed my first child for adoption” in a neutral sort of way and waited. It was a bit awkward, but she didn’t seem hostile—just a bit flustered—and she did ask whether it was an open or a closed adoption. Guess I live in a pretty progressive area.

I look seriously pregnant now. I keep thinking about adding one of those dorky Lilypie tickers to the blog—shamefully, I have one on my home page. But at almost eighteen weeks, I definitely look more pregnant that I did at this point last time. I’m also having more back pain that I did last time, but some of that might be circumstantial; we have a futon but no bed, and I have no desk, so I sit or lie on the floor to use my computer. We are hoping to get a bed before the little bird is born, but we’ll have to see how things go.

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10 thoughts on “Sharing the News

  1. Any chance of bellyshots? Ok, probably not — but just in case I’d love to see them! There is nothing shameful about celebrating this pregnancy with dorkiness! Dorkiness was kind of invented for weddings and babies and stuff that’s so miraculous but also easy to get all maudlin about. Unleash your inner dork!!!!

    If I could knit, I’d make you a Moses basket cover. I think those baskets are lovely.

  2. Moses baskets are trendy once again.

    And by the way, half my family is in the medical profession. They all assume that their patients lie to them, regardless of the patient’s background. And most of the time, the patients are lying to them. Or at the very least, “underestimating” how much they smoke, drink or eat. Do not take it personally.

  3. Dood, link to the patterns and they’ll be yours (unless it’s important that they come from your mother, rather than strangers on the internet) because there are plenty of us out here who have nothing better to do than knit.

  4. I’m sorry your mom isn’t connecting to what’s going on.

    re: the testing, I was annoyed about having to have an HIV test, too. And it bugs me (even though I know it’s standard practice) that medical records say things like “patient denies smoking” instead of “patient does not smoke”. It’s like the trust in the doctor-patient relationship is only supposed to flow one way. What if I wrote a review of the doctor and wrote “doctor denies being a sanctimonious ass?”

  5. And there are definitely things that I do leave out–maybe I’ll talk about that tomorrow–so my righteous indignation is a little unfair. Oh, not drugs or anything like that, but I do for example tend to leave my asthma off because it is incredibly mild; I used to list it, they would ask about it, and then they’d sort of erase it in their minds once it became clear that I don’t have a serious problem.

  6. My heart just sank when I read your mom’s reaction. I’m so sorry 😦 I love Moses baskets and would totally knit you a liner for one if I could. I’m not a great or speedy knitter, though. If the pattern uses size 17 needles or larger I might have a chance of finishing within a year. Might be too late for your little one by then!

  7. I’m sorry your mother can’t appreciate your joy right now. maybe she will, in time. I’m just sorry for you that she’s not there to share and support you in this incredibly exciting time. a daughter!!!!

    and thorn will totally knit you that cover if you just send her a link to the pattern.

    I love mia’s comment about the sanctimonious ass, btw.

  8. You should totally add a Lilypie when you want to!! =) I can imagine how disappointing it was when your mom skated right past your news that you’re having a girl. Stanley Steamer hasn’t got a thing on your little bird, I tell you what!!

  9. I don’t know about STD testing for pregnancy, but they sure test the hell out of you for infertility treatment. HIV test yearly, STD tests every 6 months, yo.

    I am so sorry your mother is doing this. I really can’t think of any good excuse, or even an explaination, for her. So sorry. FWIW, I am really excited for your little girl. I am super happy it is a girl and I would know for you if I knew how to knit.

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