I’m feeling very fortunate this morning. That might sound weird considering that I’m up at 3 a.m. after trying unsuccessfully to sleep for a few hours (this acid reflux is really out of control. Would that I had an easy chair to sleep in!). But tonight Mr. Book and I are having a date for the first time in a few months—I think it’s the second date since I had a positive pregnancy test, come to think of it—and that’s pretty exciting. I’m feeling blessed by stupid things; the other night, I woke up at right about this time absolutely certain that I needed to barf, and lay there for a few minutes trying to figure out what on earth was going on, and finally realized that the little bird was kicking me in the stomach—really giving it his all. And I rolled over and he slid away to cheerfully kick other parts of my gut. And while I really don’t want to wake up that way again, the kid is doing great, and he’s also apparently very strong and very bored late at night. My little dude.
Recently I’ve been feeling really frustrated with adoption stuff, as y’all know—a major part of that has been the feeling that I am the one trying to make this visit happen and the one who least wants to actually have the visit (probably; I might have to arm wrestle Nora for that honor). I haven’t wanted to bother Mr. Book with that because he was having such a rough time at work, but while he was gone today I went ahead and wrote an email to him about my feelings. It took me awhile to get to the point where there wasn’t any hint of ultimatum in it, because my conclusion was: Maybe we should cancel this visit. I think I’m still glad that I waited for him to be feeling better to start this conversation, and it went really well—and we’re not cancelling the visit. There was one point where I said “I waited two and a half weeks for you to do something about setting up a visit and then you didn’t and Ruth emailed me with a date and it was my problem again!” and he said “Yeah, I didn’t really get why you thought that.” And you know, it’s true that it never occurred to me to write back with “Actually, Mr. Book is going to be organizing this next visit, so let me send this on to him and he’ll get back to you.” My controllingness is everywhere.