No Good News

Well, I’m a bit frustrated right now. We had a visit mostly scheduled for October 16 (they suggested the date, we accepted), but have just heard that it no longer works for them, and neither does the next weekend, and how’s the 30th? Not so good! I’ll be full-term on November 3, and I’m already finding that I’m quickly exhausted both physically and emotionally, not to mention that I’m not leaving the state when I could go into labor. We could have them here, of course, but imagining making dinner for everyone and being active and social with company all day makes me want to just lie down and cry. I’ve suggested to the Mister that maybe he could visit them on his own, take some pictures, but he doesn’t like the idea of leaving me. He’s pretty sad about missing a visit—I’m more aggravated to find out that we’re a low enough priority to be bumped from their schedule by whatever other event and secretly convinced that the reason we’re not going to have another visit this year is because they’re angry about the pregnancy. October 30 is just too late; we get to ask them to look at January, now. We could certainly have them to our apartment sooner than that, but I don’t feel comfortable planning on that when I am not sure how I’m going to react emotionally to them being around a newborn son of mine under any circumstances—when it’s in a place we can’t leave early if needs be, I am doubly uneasy.

Maybe things would be different if they’d reacted differently to the pregnancy. I’m deeply sad about the idea of not seeing Cricket for his birthday. I don’t know how much it would mean to a two-year-old, but not seeing us for at least six months—I don’t know that he’ll remember us.

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14 thoughts on “No Good News

  1. That’s just not right (short of some major emergency that should be able to be more clearly explained, like “I’m having surgery that Friday and we just can’t have a visit this weekend).

  2. This is such a bummer! I’m so sorry Susie. I wish they’d reconsider. The impact of their behavior on you guys is stressful and upsetting. I wonder what their intent is. It makes me sad to think of you guys not getting to be with Cricket on his bday. R&N’s reactions to the birth of the little bird may help you decide how to proceed with Dec. or Jan. visits.

  3. Just wondering, reading this: did you tell R&N how disappointed you are? Is it possible they don’t realize that this is a big deal? Naive question & I concur the pregnancy must make it that much more complicated but… I have some desire to suggest revisiting the no visit if that feels at all possible to risk.

  4. Thanks, everyone. Sarah, I told them how disappointed I was when we had to reschedule because of car trouble, but haven’t spoken with them since this latest news; the Mister is officially handling it. I started to write an email to Ruth yesterday and abandoned it. I think part of the problem for me is (1) a hesitation to express any negative emotion at them, and (2) the fact that I’m also kind of angry about bumped from their schedule (fairly or not), and worry that that would come across.

  5. re: whether Cricket will remember you, based on my own kids at that age, they wouldn’t have really remembered someone they hadn’t seen in a month, but that didn’t disrupt the relationships they had with people they saw less frequently (in our case grandparents and uncles and aunts and cousins were a 2x a year experience).

    They could recognize them from photos, because we’d told them who they were, etc., but they didn’t have a memory of anyone’s personality or what they did the last time they visited or anything. The kids were always happy to see visitors and just started the relationship up again at whatever level was appropriate for the age they were at the moment.

    So if it does work out that you can’t see him until January, I don’t think it will mean he won’t be happy to see you when you’re there…

  6. That is really awful. I’m so sorry that you have to endure this kind of stress, especially while pregnant! Yuck. Cricket will remember you and the Mister. Kids are way smarter than we give them credit for. I’m always shocked at how much our girls remember (and immediately rebond with) family members that we very rarely see. Even at ages much younger than Cricket. I hope the amoms come to their senses and can make a visit work soon.

  7. This is craptacular. I’m really sorry. I’m sending you happy thoughts of happiness. I hope that when the new baby comes, Ruth and Nora put on their big girl faces and learn to not suck about it.

  8. That really is crappy that they are cancelling the visit. They should realize that you are pregnant and that you want to see Cricket for his birthday!I hope something works out so you can see him before the new little one comes.

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