Not Yet!

“You know what can help induce labor? Nipple stimulation! Are you stimulating your nipples?”

“What?! No! Jeez, mom.”

 

For those of you keeping score at home, 35.5 weeks is apparently when the tips start rolling in; Mr. Book has been getting them at work. “This is going to sound weird,” explained a coworker, “but you just need to roll her onto her side and have a whole lot of sex with her.” This is not a friend, just a lady with some helpful advice. It’s funny; I haven’t yet reached the “Oh God, get it out” stage, but it’s apparently been long enough that my pregnancy is boring the crap out of everyone else. 😉 I actually do have a whole labor induction routine planned, but I won’t be starting it for at least a week—it involves evening primrose oil, cohosh extract, trampoline jokes designed to frighten my husband, and an acceptance of the fact that he’ll come when he’ll come.

 

I have started every so often looking down at my stomach and wondering whether he’s bored. Of course, the weather here has finally turned cold and rainy, so staying in the warm might be a strategic move on his part—but ultimately a futile one, as we’re in for several months of wet, grey, and cold. Some months ago I bought a heating pad with the vague idea that I could put it under the baby during diaper changes or . . . something, I don’t know—it seemed brilliant in August. I’m turning in a freelance assignment late tomorrow, and then I have nothing on my plate except deep cleaning the apartment to get ready for the little bird (and catching up on email). Maybe once I’ve washed the walls and steamed the carpets I’ll start feeling impatient to get this show on the road.

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17 thoughts on “Not Yet!

  1. But wait… why start “trying” (even if you’re not really) to induce labor now? You have several weeks before he’s technically done cooking, right? I read this article about babies delivered via scheduled c-section between the 36 and 40 weeks mark, and it turns out their lungs are remarkably underdeveloped. Or something. I dunno. It scared me. But whatever.

    It’s funny, people are SO TERRIFIED I am just gonna burst without warning. I had plans to go to a haunted house with all of my friends this past weekend, but the uninvited me, because they didn’t want me to get scared into labor. I shit you not. It’s like dude, I have like 2 months to go!

    • Eh, technically I have 9 days before he’s done cooking (uh, not that I’m keeping track!)—they’re full-term at 37 weeks. But yeah, after the “Mo-ooom!” part, I pointed that out to the mother figure. I’m not 100 percent on this, but I think c-sections present their own special problems when it comes to lung development, which is why some women choose to labor for awhile first even if they know a section is coming—it can help in some way that I don’t completely understand.

  2. These are my favorite parts of the plan: “trampoline jokes designed to frighten my husband, and an acceptance of the fact that he’ll come when he’ll come.” Just reading that makes me laugh and laugh and laugh – I love your attitude.

  3. Hahaha, what a steamy month people are proposing for you guys! =) It’s exciting you’re 35.5 weeks…yay for full-out nesting! That’s so cute about the heating pad.

  4. Alright. Here’s my warning side…

    Please very, very careful if you use a heating pad with a baby. Heating pads can get very hot, very quickly.

    OK. I’m done now. 🙂

    • Oh believe me, I can’t look at it without imagining myself accidentally roasting the baby. If it gets used, it will be on low and under a pile of blankets, which frequent nervous temperature checks.

  5. ok so what do I know (seriously), but when you’re looking for more tips and assvice — you know, when he’s overdue — my two cents is walk, esp. uphill if you can, and indian food. in the meantime, hooray for nesting.

  6. I can’t believe you are having your baby so soon! Didn’t you just announce on here that you were pregnant????? I remember that right before Noah was born I NEEDED to install a frame to hold plastic grocery bags under our bathroom sink to use as trash bags. It seemed imperative. I loved nesting!!

    • I kind of don’t believe that it will happen in the next month, or for that matter this year; I’ve hit this odd Zen point of being pregnant and used to being pregnant and expecting to forever be pregnant. Guess we’ll see how that turns out….

  7. You need to hold off! I’ve switched to knitting for my little one instead of yours because she seems to be more imminent. I’m on a deadline here, so please have some decency and wait! (Can’t wait to see the little bird>)

    • I can’t wait until we can see pictures of your girl! There’s a warm and gooey emoticon that I really wish I had access to right now. But eeeeee!!

  8. Your pregnancy seemed to pass in record time, no? While I can’t wait to see the little bird, you should let him cook until the little timer button thing pops up, I think.

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