1/4

Joey is three months old! He’s close to crawling, but there’s a problem—he doesn’t want to crawl. He can scootch along on his stomach, kicking his legs and making a little progress, but what he really likes is to be held up so he can “walk.” He wants to walk, and to skip crawling, but he doesn’t even have kneecaps yet and just can’t walk; we’re trying to compromise. He demands tummy time, he pushes himself forward and yells for a few minutes, and then we “walk” around for awhile. We’re doing this several times a day. He has also, excitingly, started throwing himself sideways sometimes while I’m holding him—he’s never managed to make it more than a few inches sideways, but it’s scary for both of us. I have this sense, though, that I’m going to have plenty of chances to get used to it. He wants mobility so badly, and it’s just not coming together for him yet. I wish that I could do more to help.

I have a confession to make; we’ve been doing straight-up bedsharing since he was about three weeks old. This wasn’t part of the plan, and I resisted it for as long as I could—about three weeks, it turns out—but even with our little in-bed cosleeper, Joey would just howl and howl and refuse to sleep unless he was in someone’s arms. I would wait until he was deeply asleep and then move him to the cosleeper . . . and within an hour, without fail, he would wake up and commence howling. Finally, toward the end of my stay in California, I pushed all the pillows out of the bed, pulled the blanket down to his waist, and slept soundly for the first time in a long time. He spends every night with his feet against my stomach and his chin resting on my breast, and he sleeps for fourteen hours, nursing several times without really waking up. I worry about SIDS—I worry a lot—even though we’re doing bedsharing right (no extra pillows, fan running, no drugs/booze/smoking/sleeping pills). I’m sleeping lightly, the baby is sleeping well, and in a month or so I will worry less, but for right now, it’s working for everything but my peace of mind.

We’ve hit another milestone, although I suppose it’s just a milestone for me—we’re not going to have Irish twins, which I’m glad of. We do want to raise two kids relatively close together, but not that close together; breastfeeding is our birth control at the moment, and while unlikely, it was possible. I honestly don’t have a clear idea of when I’d like to get pregnant again; early in this illness (still hanging on, although mostly dwelling in my chest these days) I felt sick and weak and thought “This is like being pregnant again—wow, I am glad that I am not pregnant again already.”

13 thoughts on “1/4

  1. We co-slept with both babies. I started with Nicholas in a bassinet right next to me, but quickly started bringing him into bed because I discovered he slept better and I slept better when we slept together. He stayed in bed with us until he was 9 months old and we transitioned him to a crib because we knew that Linnea would be joining us as well. And a toddler in bed with a newborn is a very, very bad idea!

    Although we always had a crib set up for both of them in a mother room and lied to the social workers when they came for post-placement visits. Co-sleeping is frowned upon in much of the US, but is considered an awful, horrible thing in Switzerland.

    Joey is a beautiful, healthy, thriving baby and you are doing a wonderful job. Continue to trust your instincts and don’t worry about what the “experts” say.

    By the way, we have “Irish Twins.” The first 3 months were really, really hard. But then having them so close in age actually made it easier. They entertain each other and are not so different in what they need that it causes conflicts. For instance, I never had to keep a preschooler home because baby still needed a nap. Or drag baby about because preschooler had an activity. And I also had a lot of tips from my mother, who had 5 children with only 6 years between the oldest and youngest. (Nope, no twins.)

    • I do want to have kids fairly close together, although the idea of pregnancy right this very second sounds pretty heavy—I’ve heard that it’s quite hard for the first bit, and then fantastic. Thanks for the confirmation!

  2. I co-slept with both the babies BECAUSE I was afraid of SIDS (the noise from expert-types was different then — co-sleeping was the way to keep ’em safe and I still believe that since some of the anti-co-sleeping studies was apparently funded by crib manufacturers). Mostly though I’m a big fan on whatever keeps mama sane and co-sleeping kept me sane. You will definitely have an early crawler & walker! Noah and Madison both were like that and were walking around nine months!!!!!

    • Dawn is totally right about the early movement stuff. Both rolled over by 2 months, crawled by 4 months. Nicholas took his first steps at 10 months, 1 week and Linnea at 9 months, 1 day. (Linnea was earlier on most stuff because she wanted so desperately to keep up with Nicholas!) Everyone I know who babywears has children who do this stuff earlier.

      • That’s another great part. Everybody said “you don’t want them to walk too soon.” Because it’s supposed to be harder, I guess. My experience? With each new development towards independence, they became happier. Yes, you spend a lot of time chasing after them and preventing them from hurting themselves or destroying something, but they could also do more to entertain themselves and it actually got a whole lot easier. A lot less frustration and whining. So Walk, Young Man, Walk!

  3. Love the updates about Joey! He is going to be on the move in no time. I spoke with my daughter’s adoptive parents the other day (she’s 7 months) and they filled me in on all of her developments, and she is in no hurry to walk. I had to laugh. If I was a baby and were cooed over and cuddled all of the time I would not be in a hurry to walk either 🙂

    • I didn’t even crawl until I was eight months old, myself—I’m a little shocked by having given birth to a child with drive. 😉

  4. sounds like he’s thriving!

    sleep is good. that’s the end of that story, right?

    tummy, you know i am fan of tummy. the theory is don’t do for him what he can’t do. he will crawl soon enough. like teething sometimes they hang in a place of not quite for a while even though it seems everything should/will be faster.

  5. Three months already! Aww, Joey is growing like a sunflower. It’ll be cool to hear his little coos and babbles. I’m so glad you guys have found a good sleep system!

  6. 3 months! Time is flying!

    My grandma had 6 kids…..her oldest two, my mother and aunt, are Irish Twins! And her youngest two kids are exactly 1 year, 1 month & 1 day apart in age!

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