I got two emails from Ruth at the beginning of the month, two in a week, which is pretty unusual—the first to confirm that I will write them a letter of recommendation, the second to send me guidelines. I was a little sad about getting guidelines, since I had a pretty good plan in place for the letter, but I am slooowly adapting.
The guidelines include a list of points to address, one of those being “How would you feel about placing your child, or one you are personally interested in, with the applicants?” It seems likely that I’m not reading this question the way that it’s meant to be read; my first response was along the lines of “I would have lost my child, I would be heartbroken, why on earth are you asking me this?” I then decided not to answer it at all—now I’ve written a new response that sort of indirectly addresses the point, and I’m deciding whether to leave it in. My answer talks about how Mr. Book and I regret the adoption, but that seeing what great parents Ruth and Nora are is the silver lining. I don’t think Ruth or Nora will ever read the letter, but of course it’s possible that they’ll end up hearing details from it. I’ve decided that I’m okay with that, I asked Mr. Book and he’s okay with that—but ideally, of course, they won’t. I know that they don’t want to know, and I can’t really blame them. I also want to leave it in because I think it explains the conspicuous absence of “I am so happy with our open adoption” or “I’m so glad that I placed my son with the applicants.” On the other hand, I don’t want to ambush Ruth or Nora, so I’m open to advice.
I have to send this letter by the end of the month. I have a draft finished, I’ve tinkered with it a bit, but it still sounds a bit stilted. Go figure. I assume I’ll get another email from Ruth sometime this week reminding me of the deadline. My mom asked whether Mr. Book couldn’t write the letter instead, and I said that he couldn’t, because he doesn’t like them at all; it’s so weird that this is where we’ve ended up.