Stalled

There’s a lot going on right now. I’m going to talk about it in kind of a scattershot way; that’s what my brain is doing just now. The Skype conversations have stopped after the initial two, and there may be more in the future, but not now. No pictures from them yet this year, and no plans for a visit. That looks, I know, like there’s nothing going on at all—but in addition to jetting around the country and watching Joey work on blowing spit bubbles,  I’m brooding about it. That’s a shock, I’m sure. =)

My husband and I are talking about possibly moving in with my parents. Not for awhile, and it’s the farthest thing from certain, but he would really like to go to law school, and that will be pretty tricky on our own. My parents lived with my grandparents for awhile while my dad was in graduate school, so they’re very open to the idea—the prospect of more time with Joey can’t hurt. In fact, since I first asked them, they’ve brought up the possibility several times, always positively. The thing is, Mr. Book hates his job. It makes him miserable pretty much all of the time. But if we weren’t paying rent, he’d be able to just work part time and go to school and never go back to this job again. We haven’t talked yet about the effect that would have on the adoption, perhaps because another thousand miles wouldn’t make that much of a difference. Nora comes to Southern California a couple of times a year for work. . . .

I did email Ruth about pictures and Skype, in what I hoped was a not annoying way, and she wrote back to say that Skype won’t work right now, but maybe in a few weeks (good news), that they’re still thinking about visit dates (not great, but okay), and no word about or link to pictures, which kind of stinks. She didn’t ask after Joey, which I totally at random was a little upset by. I wrote back and only responded directly to what she’d said, which is a lame little passive-aggressive thing to do, but I started a longer and cheerier email and got nowhere. That longer email mentioned the possibility (which seems more and more likely as we talk about it/look at law schools/grow hopeful) of our relocating to California for a few years; the final version did not. Maybe next time.

I’m distracted from my grim thoughts by watching Joey dream—he’s smiling, he’s making milkface, and his eyelids are fluttering. He’s so big now: eighteen pounds at last weigh-in. A couple of days before Easter, I asked Mr. Book whether he thinks about what it would be like to be done having kids now—to be raising two boys, one of them a toddler, one of them our Joey—and he said that he does, but that he mostly imagines baby Cricket, not the boy he is now. For whatever reason, the fact that he is so far so different from Joey makes him feel even farther away. –And I’m back to grim. I’m going to stop here and go back to watching the baby.

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8 thoughts on “Stalled

    • Hey, if it just got better and better, I wouldn’t have anything to complain about and wouldn’t know what to do with myself. 😉

  1. Joey is really thriving, wtg Susie! I’m so sorry things are so stalled with R&N. I hope they send pictures of Cricket, stat, and schedule another skype session and visit. Grim is a completely understandable way to feel. It’s got to be so hard to keep your end of the volley going with Ruth.

    I think it’s great that Mr. Book wants to go to law school. Moving in with your parents is such a good option to have.

  2. I keep thinking it’s hard to have such an interdependency with people that otherwise you didn’t know (I think this for me, too). All I can do is believe it takes time, almost as if it’s okay given that a key player — in your case , Cricket — needs time to grow into his own feelings & connections. Does that make any sense? Hard not to feel grim. But it’s not necessarily about adoption, even their relative silence. R or N could be contemplating a law school equivalent of their own.

    Law school sounds really exciting, by the way! And that Joey is a giant!

    • I think the hardest part, maybe, is that Cricket will grow into the connections his moms have prepared for him, at least for awhile (a long while). But I do think that they just don’t have a lot of time for us, and that’s fair.

  3. Well, I for one wouldn’t complain if you moved to SoCal because hopefully I’d get to meet you! (Yes, I’m assuming you would want to meet me in return :))

    As for being randomly upset that Ruth didn’t ask about Joey – I say that’s valid. I hear all the time how upset aparents are when their child’s first parent doesn’t ask about their other children (or send gifts, cards whatever). It would be nice for the interest (fake or not, haha!) to go both ways. Hope you get some dates picked out soon!

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