I keep forgetting that Mother’s Day is coming. I’m marking time by different events: tea with a friend on Saturday, a moms’ group meeting next Wednesday, Joey’s pictures the Friday after that. And then, uh, True Blood season three comes out on DVD. I’m having no trouble remembering my mother’s birthday, despite the fact that it’s the day after Mother’s Day. I’ve written a card to Ruth, I’ve sent M-Day gifts to both my mother and my mother-in-law, and yet there’s this hazy unreality about the approach of the for-real day. Oh, yeah? Seriously? Huh. Well, I guess that’s happening. Anyway….

Of course, M-Day is coming up on the adoption blogs and forums that I read. Birthmothers are wondering about sending cards to adoptive mothers, adoptive moms are planning to send cookie bouquets to birthmoms—everyone is taking some time to figure out how to be considerate, which is sort of a nice way to watch the holiday happen.

I’m trying to figure out how I’ll feel this weekend. I do expect a call from Ruth and Nora on Saturday, which is very nice of them if something I slightly dread; my husband will not get me flowers, because he just doesn’t do that, but I hope that he won’t have to work and that we’ll get to do something together; and I’ll go to Mass and be seen as a mom, which is awfully weird. I still don’t feel like a mom. My mother tells me that I’ll feel like a mom once Joey starts calling me Mama: maybe so. I love him, I feel attached to him, but I don’t think I feel like a mom. It still feels most, I guess, like I’m his sister. I’m sure I’ve said this onblog before, but here’s a status update: still no mom feelings.


6 thoughts on “5/8

  1. I don’t always feel like a mom, whatever that is, fifteen plus years in.

    And am now mulling sending chocolates & such to C. And whether I must write about Mother’s Day, a day I pretty much never acknowledged before adopting a baby, despite having been a mom for over a dozen years. Gah!

  2. Maybe it’s a gradual thing, feeling like a mom. You’ve been wearing that hat so well; Mr. Snerk would attest your loving devotion. It is going to be so awesome for you to hear Joey call you mama and say ILY. I hope you have a good weekend and that Mr. Book gets some time off.

  3. I don’t know if I told you this story or not? Or ever wrote about it on my blog? But I didn’t feel like Noah’s mother until he was eight-ish months old. I was working for this crazy woman who owned a dance studio and shop and an energy bodywork practice, all of which she ran out of her home. I would answer the phone and check people out while she had her private sessions and I worked there because I could bring Noah with me. Anyway, he and I were sitting in the dressing room so he could watch himself in the mirror while he pulled up to lean in and watch himself. He knocked his forehead against the mirror and started to cry, turning to me, and in that moment I realized he was looking for ME because I was his MOTHER and that’s when I felt like his mother and not just a milk machine for him. Before that I just loved him and hoped he loved me but after that he felt like MINE.

  4. Hello! I’m a new reader with a question to ask but first,

    I have four sons, all age 5 and under, no I do not have any multiples. Anyways moving along… There are times I forget I am a mother. Like during yoga. Or driving alone with music blaring and the windows rolled down. Then I’m just me. Oddly enough it’s the same feeling I have when I’m nursing a kid. Not like I forget but that I am just me. Not mom me. It’s like I still feel like I’m just attached to another person who almost doesn’t feel seperate from me. Like I’m still just me not some mom person.

    Anyways. Whatever. So my question. Hubby and I are looking into adopting. A girl. I had a heart attack when I delivered the baby, who is almost 2, and we want more kids and yadda yadda who cares. But the ethics is really freaking me out. I don’t think children are a guarantee. I don’t think just because we want to adopt doesn’t mean we should. And I would like to get your take on this. We have family and friends who are part of the triad but no birth/first mothers in our circle where I can ask such a personal question so here I am rudely asking a stranger. Which seems at the root of my hesitancy asking too much of a stranger.

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