Ella Asks

Has Nora completely left the building? Is she in Cricket’s life at all anymore? And if she isn’t, is that Ruth’s doing?

Ruth hasn’t talked to me about the details of their arrangement in some time, and I know that things have changed somewhat as both women settle into new relationships and living arrangements. I know that the original plan was for Nora to come by and put Cricket to bed every night, and that this fell apart almost immediately. Nora moved out, and Ruth and Cricket are still in the house—so far as I know, no move has been made to sell the house, and official divorce proceedings have not started. Neither woman is, I think, in a hurry to marry a new partner, so legal divorce isn’t a high priority. From what I can tell, Cricket usually spends one weekend day with Nora, and sometimes (I think) the whole weekend. She had dropped out much more for awhile, but now I see a picture that she has taken of him with her phone pop up on Facebook a couple of times a month. (These are the only pictures I see of Cricket, and I’m grateful for them.) I know that he’s spent some time with Nora’s new partner, too, and I realize that I may need to come up with blog names for both Ruth and Nora’s current partners.

When Nora was gone, it wasn’t Ruth’s doing. It’s hard to figure out how much to talk about their relationship here, being as I’m an outsider and I have some extremely intimate details that aren’t any of my business. I can say that Nora wanted to go, and I don’t know whether she ever really wanted to parent, but she does clearly care for her son. I know that one parent is often more excited about adopting (or having kids by whatever means) than the other, and Nora was willing but clearly not the one driving the process. Eventually—and in some ways it seems remarkable that it took three years—she decided that she wanted a different life for herself than the one in which she woke up every morning. For awhile, she took a pretty thorough break from Cricket and Ruth; now she’s maintaining more of a relationship with each of them, although it’s nothing like what she had before. I haven’t talked to her since last July, so all of this is secondhand. She doesn’t talk to us outside of visits, and never really has.

One thought on “Ella Asks

  1. Thinking of you and imagining how hard this must be. I just can’t get over the fact that they won’t spend 30 seconds to email you pictures. 1. It requires minimal effort. 2. They promised. Maybe when Cricket is in kindergarten you can send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to Ruth, ask her to place one class photo in the envelope, and drop it in the mail before the price of stamps goes up. So sorry Susie!

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