Doors II

It’s strange, finding myself in this arc and not knowing where exactly I fall. At first, I thought that Joey and Cricket couldn’t be more different, couldn’t even see a resemblance between them; anyone who has seen pictures of the boys will know how pathetic this was. Then I realized that they looked and sounded quite a bit alike, but knew that they were otherwise nothing alike—their personalities and their tastes seemed like night and day to me. And now I can see Joey doing Cricket things, and while some of that is probably universal little kid behavior, not all of it is. I don’t think that most of it is. They still look somewhat different (Joey is startlingly pretty in a way that his brothers are not, although I think all three are cute kids, if Kit might need some time to grow into his ears. They’re his granddad’s ears, and his granddad grew into them beautifully), but they look like brothers, and (based on what I’ve seen when I’ve seen Cricket) they have any number of nonphysical things in common. And now we have less access to Cricket than we ever have before.

Ruth has taken Skype off the table; this time last year she was talking about when they would visit this year, and now she isn’t talking about visits at all. The Mister and I aren’t optimistic that a visit will happen. When we write, we don’t hear back. Joey is still a little young, but looking at him, I want to help him build a connection to his older brother now—and at the same time, I don’t, because I don’t want to set him up for hurt and disappointment. If I don’t hear back from the Emerald City, that’s lousy, but Joey isn’t able to understand why someone wouldn’t be totally enchanted by him, and I’m not ready to provide him with that kind of character development. It’s too sad, and he’s just a little dude. I still mention Cricket once in a while, and show Joey pictures less often than that, and Joey mostly ignores me. I am almost relieved.

Joey is changing my feelings for Cricket. I think about that faraway kid with more fondness, seeing him reflected in this littler kid whom I’m so crazy about; I miss him. Doors inside me are opening; doors up north are closing. Watching the relationship evolve is just sad and sad. But we’ll keep pushing letters under the door.

8 thoughts on “Doors II

  1. I’ve mentioned this when trying to convince other parents adopting from foster care to consider openness, but I think it changed my relationship with Mara to know her siblings. Okay, I don’t quite put it that way, but our relationship and her relationship with her siblings is quite different from our relationship with her parents, and meaningful in ways I would not have guessed. One sister has skin the exact same color as hers, and one brother has the same problem that prompted her recent hospital trip, and I just feel like our lives would be lacking so much depth if we didn’t have them in our lives.

    I’m glad you’re finding ways to let Cricket in even as you’re being kept from him. It all makes me so sad.

    • I don’t know why I didn’t expect this part, but now that I think about it, this is my first firsthand experience with siblings raised apart. There are some major differences, too, of course, which I should write about.

  2. I am so sorry! It must be so frustrating to have Ruth disengage and go MIA…maybe Ruth prefers to believe that your relationship is fine (taking for granted that you guys aren’t going anywhere).

    • Well, and she legitimately has a lot on her plate right now—but so do we, and so will we all for years to come. Frustrating is the word, for sure.

  3. this makes me so sad. I mean, I’m happy that your heart is opening to cricket in such a new way, but so sad that those doors don’t seem to be open for you all to form the relationship that could benefit him, as well as you and your boys. it’s going to be so important for him later to know his brothers. (love thorn’s comment, btw. yes, this.)

  4. Did Ruth give you a reason for taking Skype off the table?

    Hoping that Cricket pushes for you guys to be a more regular part of his every-day life. Perhaps the personality differences he has with Ruth will drive him closer to you guys, which is its own sort of sad, too. Sorry this is so hard, especially for the little guys involved.

    • She said that it’s just too hard to schedule. Since I’ve said things like “I’m home with the kids almost all the and can usually Skype even with very short notice,” I suspect that is not the whole story.

      • Aye. We regularly Skype with our family who live on an entirely different continent — and we all of us lead busy lives with jobs and commitments (and small children). You just find a way to make it work, if you want to. Ruth baffles me, honestly, and I don’t even have to deal with her 🙂

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