Twisty

So. Right. Adoption stuff.

Nora wrote back—I was right. Ruth is mostly bowing out. If I wish to send things to Cricket, I am to send them to Nora’s address; if I want to talk to them, I am to talk to Nora. Nora has committed to Skyping with me and the boys every six weeks (and did so on Kit’s birthday); she says that all three of them will come visit on September 7–8.

I am also pulling back somewhat until after the visit. Maybe it won’t look like it; Skype every six weeks is more contact than we’ve ever had. And I’m going to keep that up. But I’m not talking to them unless they talk to me, and I’m not writing to Cricket. After the visit, we’ll see.

Right now, I’m knitting the boys sweaters for this winter. I must look like a lunatic, knitting sweaters in a Southern California June, but here I am, cabling and ribbing and clicking away with my needles. And I don’t know whether I’m knitting two sweaters or three. Well, okay, I do start with a sweater that would fit a boy who’ll be five this winter, but I carefully don’t think about it as being for any person in particular—the last time I tried to knit for Cricket, I made mistake after mistake. And anyway, I don’t know whether I want to make him a sweater; for all I know, the sweater I made last year ended up in the back of a closet or in a donation box, and if that is to be the fate of all sweaters, I’m not participating. But I do knit this sweater, rather a handsome one, in a dark blue and green colorway. When I’ve sewn up the armpits and added a toggle, I make my final decision. Because I guess it was always his sweater, even while I was telling myself that it could fit any number of kids, and I have to try. At least one more time.

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2 thoughts on “Twisty

  1. This may be a step in the right direction where Nora is concerned…maybe where Ruth is concerned, too (for the time being). Your sweaters for the boys sound beautiful.

  2. This new setup with Nora all sounds pretty hopeful to me, though I suppose after so many disappointments, it’s probably wise to take a guarded approach. With the sweaters – or any other gift – it must be hard to put all that thought and effort into it, and then not really know how it is received. But maybe it’s possible to kind of turn it around a bit – thinking of it more aswhat it means for you as the gift giver, rather than what it will mean to the recipient. It sounds as if it is truly an act of love, and whether Cricket knows that or not, that doesn’t change the fact that it is a beautiful gesture on your part.

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