How the Long Distance Is Working

I mean, we miss each other. It’s hard. But we’re okay. I am fortunate in having recently gotten a gently used laptop, which means that my older laptop will go to the Mister, which means that he will have his own computer and we’ll be able to Skype whenever we like. And, you know, he’ll be able to read the news and check hockey scores.

We were on the phone the other night, and I brought up the fact that I don’t run everything by him anymore, and haven’t for a while. At first, every small scheduling change was brought to him so that we could talk about it—but I handle most little things on my own, now, although I usually end up chatting with him about them. Joey’s occupational therapist can’t see him Thursday, so I canceled his Friday group and she’ll see him then; we’re hosting a play date on Friday morning; I think we’re going to give all of Joey’s teachers and therapists homemade candy and ornaments for Christmas. That kind of thing. The separation has made me grow up in some ways, has made me tougher and more independent—but I don’t think it has pulled us apart. Far from it: I think I can be a better partner now. This is a tiny and dumb example, but I really want to take Kit to see Big Hero 6 in theaters. Before the separation, I would have made Mister Book be the voice of reason on this one, but since he isn’t here, I had to admit on my own that he just isn’t ready yet, no matter how cool the movie is or how much I think he would like it. If I am too tired to parent in the morning, I still have to get everyone fed and diapered and dressed and into the car. If I am too angry at one of the boys to be fair, I have to just give him three minutes in time out while I get myself together—and then I have to open his bedroom door and be fair.

There’s no silver lining for my sweetheart; he’s just lonely and working hard. But I am going to visit him today, which is the greatest. I’ll be visiting him on my own for a week while the boys stay with the grands. I will drag him to a movie; we will exchange Christmas gifts; and best of all, we’ll just get to hang out together. I can’t wait.

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